Lescott is somewhat of an anomaly because his tragic hairline is the result of a car accident he was involved in when he was five as well as being the victim in a boiling kettle escapade where he suffered third degree burns. However, with the money that he’s being paid, there is no way he should still be sporting the half-fro. There are hair designers all around the world that would offer their services to Lescott and the countless other footballers for half an hour’s wages. If they could fix Wayne Rooney, they can fix anyone.
Football leads the way in preposterous hair-do’s and it’s not a recent phenomenon. The 1980’s was a sublime era of mullets, perms and erroneous facial hair encapsulated by the one and only Rudi Voller. There were others about in the eighties, but Voller ticked every box; the perm was perfection, the mullet was magnificent and the ‘tache was tremendous. Of course, there were others; Kevin Keegan, Chris Waddle and Ruud Gullit were all wholeheartedly dedicated to their mullets, perms and taches, but Voller was in a league of his own.
Thinking that these questionable barnets would be isolated to the eighties was a foolish assumption. The nineties carried on in the same vein with some truly outstanding fashion statements. Roberto Baggio’s head during Euro 96 looked like a bad haircut from the front, no problem; maybe he changed his regular barbers. We’ve all been there, a change from the norm has resulted in a hair-dresser seeing your hair as their own little project and completely wrecking it. This can be excused, however the platypus’ tail growing from the back of Baggio’s cranium is completely unforgivable. Jason Lee raised a couple of eyebrows with his infamous pineapple-head look during his time at Nottingham Forest. Surely every time a ‘sports top 10 worst haircuts’ is published, he sits at home and wonders what he was thinking. Other names that shine during this period were Peter Beardsley and his school-boy bowl cut, Karel Poborsky’s feminine locks although admirable were absolutely shocking and Gerry Francis’ way of combating his thumb-head with a grey mullet (which he still sports today) was and is appalling. Those still persevearing with the haircuts of yesteryear include geordie striker and full-time Emile Heskey impersponator, Andy Carrol and the football manager who looks like the lovechild of Gordon Brown and Mrs Doubtfire, Steve Bruce. Here's a collection of terrible footballing barnets enough to make you want to stab your eyes out:
Going into the new millennium brought a new dimension of bad hair, a chemical substance that would change the world of hairdressing forever; peroxide. The first high-profile hair dying was the Romanian world cup squad as they bleached their hair during the 1998 football world cup and it’s acted as a catalyst for the more frivolous players around the globe. Abel Xavier’s peroxide addiction is the one that heads the class (excuse the pun) but these pictured monstrosities prove that he’s not alone in the weird and wonderful world of colourful creations.
This constant colouring of the hair isn’t the healthiest thing for your roots and will probably result in hair loss. It’s something that many men have trouble with and it’s a tragic sight seeing a man hopelessly clinging onto their hair. Some deal with it graciously and on the first sight of balding will embrace their loss and sport a shaved head. It’s an awkward transition, but once it’s done, hair maintenance becomes a whole lot easier and there is a sense of respect for those who get the clippers out in the early stages. For those who can afford it, such as Wayne Rooney, Michael Vaughan and Shane Warne, by all means save your hair follicles. There are some men, however, that take it upon themselves to ignore their obvious lack of volume and attempt a hair style to masks their baldness. They’re kidding no-one but themselves and they’d be far better off stepping into the light and taking a razor to their scalps. Nevertheless, they're a strange breed of man, and their stubbornness only extracts more attention to the hair they haven’t got in their ridiculous attempts to fool the hair gods. Here’s a collection of hangers-on:
The world of the catastrophic haircut isn’t restricted to the footballers. There are many sportsmen in all sorts of different fields who have competed with horrendous hairdos. From cricket to darts, there are a whole host of monstrosities in the wider world of sport.
Cricket has had its fair share of critics for the boring nature of the game and the pomposity of the supporters and players. Therefore when creatures like Kevin Pietersen sport the skunk look, it changes people’s perceptions. Yet, some perceptions are best left as they are. During the cricket world cup in 2011, Ireland made a big impact on the world stage. One man in particular was the star of the show when the Irish minnows defeated their illustrious rivals England and that was Kevin O’Brien. Unfortunately for him, his proudest moment will forever be overshadowed by the most drastic of peroxide disasters (pictured).
The world of darts is not one of high-end fashion, but even by their standards, Andy Fordham’s mane is disgraceful.
Golf is a world where money is absolutely not an issue. There have been many showmen in the sport but for those who simply aren’t good enough to make the headlines for their play, they make up for it in other ways such as outrageous clothing and matching hair. Ian Poulter is a man that not only falls into this category, but he epitomises it. The highlights that he sports today were the most in thing on the planet a decade and a half ago. Today, they really are tragically un-cool.
Rugby union has its fair share of bad barnets, but the emergence of one player in particular has sky rocketed the sport and in particular the front row into hair superstardom. This area has been dominated in recent times by the Welsh duo of Adam and Duncan Jones and their wild hair has developed the nickname ‘The Hair Bear Bunch’. Commonly mistaken for brothers, their curly locks either side of the scrum is a glorious sight, but there’s a new boy on the block. Harlequins’ Joe Marler already has an extensive repertoire of shocking cuts and here’s a selected portfolio.
On the other side of the coin, however, there are men that deliver great hair time and again. They are saint-like figures who manage to maintain their style whilst engaged in battle of their respective sports. Us mere mortals will take photographs of these men to hairdressers, smile at the underpaid hairdresser and say “I want a Jamie Redknapp.”. These men should be hailed for their dedication. Anything David Beckham does with his hair is magnificent, while the Gavin Henson of 2005 (minus the red lions hair) was exemplary. While Morgan Parra and Morten Gamst Pedersen are playing, their flawless hairdos remain unscathed regardless of the instensity of the match and it's a skill that one is simply born with. Moving back through time, in the nineties, Ian Walker was the envy of every teenage boy with his flawless curtain hairstyle and David Ginola’s locks weren’t only the envy of men but many women.
With so many men out there having the option of maintaining a decent hairstyle or going bald gracefully, take a moment to think about this poor chap. His task is made impossible and while he looks around his team-mates in envy of the latest hair trends, he merely picks a number on his clippers and shaves off the copper strands in the hope that one day soon, alopecia sets in. Ladies and Gentlemen, Steve Sidwell.
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